i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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