babies were throwing up all over the place
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
