Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize