Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
