wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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