hotel room ftw
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
