I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The air was thick with penises
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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