Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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