Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
