if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
