just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
