The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need to calm my uterus...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
