I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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