I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
