Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
