I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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