she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
