So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
