next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
