Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
