I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Boobs speak an international language.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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