i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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