Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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