it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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