Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
