# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
