someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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