Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
