Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
