Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Less talking, more tequila
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize