Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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