I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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