i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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