so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
