I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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