You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Four minutes until I can fart!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
