Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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