the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
