So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
