Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
