maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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