I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
