hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize