I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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