I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
