my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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