Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
