Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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