She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
