let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize