I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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