i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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