Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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