ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
