Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
