that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
