So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
