What did we do last night that was yellow?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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