Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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