i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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