her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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