I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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