You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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