dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
