I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Ketchup is God's man juice
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
