margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
