She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
