So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
