Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
