Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
