I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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