What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize