I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
