The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
