FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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