Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
