somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
