Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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