I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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