Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I cut my penus on the lid.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
