theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
