he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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