Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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